amethystaura (amethystaura) wrote in bitch_about_it,
amethystaura
amethystaura
bitch_about_it

Dear Wolfram, how to break it to you?

 Dear Wolfram,

You happen to be the fictional character who reintroduced me to the joys of heady fangirling. How could I not love you?! And consequently, how could I not weep when I witness you being metaphorically mutilated in innumerable fanfics? Yes Wolfram, you may or may not have fanfiction in Shin Makoku, but here on Earth, it's a global phenomenon. Ask your fiance Yuuri about it anytime. Just don't subject him to reading the kind of fanfics I'm about to rant about.


You can be a hot headed, adrenaline driven fireball (no pun intended), and drop dead gorgeous at that. But I request you to rein yourself in and not go off and flame those fanfic writers, until I finish this rant. (Don't flame them at all, in fact) Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that this practice has been so bloody DONE TO DEATH, I'd probably just shrug it off wouldn't bother ranting about it at all. You'll get the drift soon enough. (And DITTO for fanart.)

And during the course of this rant I'll quote exactly the kind of stuff I've read.

First things first, not necessarily about characterisation, but quite anti-canon and anti-logic anyway. The extremely frequent references to your physical appearance in fanfiction. And as much I enjoy reading descriptions of beauty, if a fangirl dropped dead every time you were very pointedly described as looking like a girl, the entire anime fangirl population would be wiped out.

Of course, nothing wrong with a guy looking feminine. Or even a fan being under the misconception that he does. But must writers drag it up and harp on it so damned often, especially when the guy in question actually isn't? Where to begin now?

So you're repeatedly described as being "beautiful" and "angelic looking" in the canon (and very aptly too). And the result? *headdesk*
-Fangirls with no idea whatsoever of the widely revered concept of masculine beauty, automatically and very unabashedly assume that you look 'feminine'. According to them, all 'beautiful' men look like girls, and they don't hesitate to even say so.
-They conveniently forget that in the novels every single male character too is extensively described as beautiful. (With the exception of those who are plain.) You come from an entire race of beauties. So by their weird standards, everyone should look like a woman, right?
-Adjectives like "handsome", "dashing" and "princely", and "OTOKOMAE" that your fiance uses to reminds readers of just how desirable you are, apparently have no bearing. (Yes Wolfram, he thinks you're hot.)
-They miss out on the tone of wistful envy in Yuuri's words, every time he mentions how he can never hope to be as attractive as you. Mildly homophobic Yuuri, who's extremely embarrassed at having worn dresses as a baby, thinks no self respecting guy should wear pink frills and who's working on a six pack so he can get a girl, wouldn't want to look like one, would he? (Btw, those are his opinions, not mine)
-All angels are not female. All "angelic looking" guys aren't "feminine". Just as all men with long hair most certainly aren't always effeminate.

To be accurate, you've been canonically described as as looking like a "beautiful angelic choirboy" and also "a handsome fairy tale prince on a white horse". That however does not mean that you look "feminine", as most fanfics explicitly state, and not a single character agrees with in the canon.

Some disgusting fics take it a step further and write things like "Wolfram looks like a girl, but fights like a guy."
Yes, I know you're already infuriated by the first part of that statement, but it's the second half that disgusts me. In a world where women give men a run for their money, in a fandom where women give men a run for their money, how do fans get away with writing that?

To add insult to injury, there are fics that propagate the theory, "Wolfram's father abandoned him because he looked a girl." Yeah right. I wonder why Lady Cecilie married a fucktard who leaves because he thinks his infant son (who's incidentally a clone of the Original King) isn't 'manly' enough.

Moreover, I know just how hard you work to live up to your brothers' standards. So fangirls could really do without writing baseless comparisons like "Conrad and Gwendal look much manlier than Wolfram." It's daft as to expect a teenager to look as 'manly' as as a man in his late twenties and another man in his late 30s. (In terms of human years.)

Oh, and let's not forget those fanfics that transform your canonically scrawny and short fiance into some tall, dark and well-built hunk, while you're described as looking like some uber-delicate nymph (no exaggeration). Despite the fact that you're both canonically the same height with the same physique.

And in these fics apparently your 'feminine looks' are the reason men are attracted to you. Despite the fact that canonically bisexuality is prominent in the kingdom. And more men are attracted to your fiance than to you. You'd know better than anyone else *snickers* Anyway.

And the most ironical part? You're the identical descendant of Shinou, the Original King, and a delectable babe magnet. And you won't find even a single fangirl who'd dare to say that Shinou looks 'feminine'. I didn't know that was how spitting images worked.

Easy, easy Wolfram, let me finish this rant before you bring on the fireworks.

What's next? The crossdressing. Sure, I initially enjoyed it just like everyone else. Till it became a damned overkill with more loopholes than Anissina's experiments. *headdesk*

Once? Cute. Twice? Funny. Thrice? Interesting, but I can overlook it. A thousand plus times? Overkill.

Innumerable fanfics show you habitually shopping for dresses, applying make-up and wearing women's clothing at social functions and around the castle, discussing and deliberating what dresses suit you best, and finally, sweeping down the aisle in a specially tailored wedding dress. After that? You spend every night seducing your husband in lingerie.

Maybe it wouldn't be out of place for sexy crossdressing spy Yozak. But for a character who canonically grumbes and rants every time he's forced to crossdress, it's excruciatingly OOC for it to happen so often.

I remember this chick who accused me of something ridiculous like "hating crossdressers" when I said this. She however couldn't explain why I love Yozak. And was left confused when I pointed out that by her wierd logic, if I protested against fics where the sombre Gwendal suddenly turned cheerful and sprightly, it would probably mean that I hate cheerful men.

And don't go off yelling before you know the kind of excuses fangirls come up with.:
a)Wolfy wears dresses in the canon! Which major statesman doesn't? Yuuri does it more often than anyone else! And yet you're the one they pick on.
b)Wolfy looks cute in dresses! For that matter, so does Yuuri! And for that matter, you look amazing in everything.
c)Wolfy's mummy and Yuuri's mummy want Wolfy in a dress! Do they really think the mothers would only pick you and spare your fiance from wearing a dress? Or any cute teenage boy for that matter?
d)Wolfy wears a pink nightgown! How many guys didn't wear nightgowns in the medieval ages? And as for the pink colour, I really doubt you care about silly colour-gender associations from an alien planet.

Things have reached a point where, if at all there's a Yuuram fanfic that showcases a date/wedding/sex scene that doesn't involve cosmetics/dresses/lingerie, it invites comments on the absence of those things.

And I actually wouldn't mind crossdressing fics that stayed in character. Fics where you're forced to crossdress along with Yuuri (and more if possible.) And you throw a tantrum, while Yuuri just sighs in resignation.

Wait, there's more. I'm sorry, Your Excellency, just grit your teeth and bear it! For this is what convinced me that Yuuram fangirls are CLOSET HOMOPHOBES. But first you've got to promise not to storm off the moment you hear this abomination.

In 95% of fanfics where you do end up marrying Yuuri (the moment you've waited for), you're labelled as Queen/Wife/Bride.

And as if that isn't enough, fanfics are polluted with thoughts about how every relationship, even if it's a malexmale relationship, has a man and a woman, and in your case you're clearly the girl in the relationship (based on parameters like your angelic looks and your choice of nightwear). I can't even begin to count on how many levels that sounds wrong. And it infuriates the hell out of me.

YES, you adore and respect the amazing women in your life, but you canonically don't want to be one. No, it does NOT make you a misogynist.
The same reasoning applies for the fact that you like your fiance's homeland Japan, but obviously prefer your life in Shin Makoku. It does not make you racist. Or the fact that you respect the art of magical healing, but you obviously prefer being a soldier. It does not make you contemptuous to other professions.

Canonically you cherish your sexual identity as a man, and you want to be yourself, so why the FUCK can't you be written as the Prince Consort/Husband/Groom?

Ironically, Greta's canonical preference for two fathers rather than identifying one of you as a mother doesn't factor into the minds of these writers.

These fanfics most definitely indirectly send out the regressive message that it's laughable/peculiar/unacceptable/awkward for a relationship to comprise two husbands or two grooms. Some fics actually spell it out, and others all but spell it out. How to solve that 'problem', since the both members of the young couple are clearly male? The characters decide (whether instinctively or after a damned discussion) that you will be the bride/wife, and that's how the situation can be made palatable for closet homophobes.

And that too, in a land where canonically homosexuality is not tabboo. Hell, even on Earth where there are tabboos surrounding homosexuality, it's acceptable to not label one guy as a 'wife'. It makes me wonder what parameters millions of delusional gay/lesbian couples use in the rest of the kingdom to determine who should be the 'husband' and who the 'wife'. Or did fangirls even think about the kingdom?

Do fangirls even stop to resolve the husband/wife issue for other same sex couples in their stories? Do they have any concept of marriage laws being universal throughout the kingdom, especially when the king himself is a believer in uniformity? Or do they single out the Yuuram pair and apply this law only because they decided on whimsical parameters that you, Wolfram, are "basically a wife"?

Homophobic tendencies cannot override royal protocol, the male spouse of the monarch is the PRINCE CONSORT. Granted, not everyone may know that. But if they're going to heavily involve themselves in a fandom where the protagonist is a king and whose fiance is male, and actually write that pairing, the LEAST they can do is use their brains to figure out "Queen sounds wrong..." and do the research.

And considering that bisexuality is accepted in the kingdom and there was always a possibility that a monarch would marry someone of the same sex, did they really think that royal protocol would abruptly change for the 27th Maoh, and you would be the "Queen"? Because they whimsically used obscure parameters and decided that you're 'very effeminate'?

And as for pathetic arguments like "Wolfy behaves like a jealous girlfriend!", I just want to ask one thing: Which utopia do they live in, where possessive boyfriends don't exist?

If somebody would give me a grain of sugar for every fic that operates on the theory, "Yuuri wants a girl? Let's give him Wolfy the Wifey!" I'd end up dying of diabetes. No exaggeration there. (And in this category the awards go to fics where you as the Queen, tromp around around the castle in a dress, and are not allowed to do apparently 'masculine' things like sword fighting.)

For heaven's sake, the whole point of the romance between you and Yuuri is to help him overcome his homophobic hangups and teach him to accept you for the wonderful, beautiful, handsome boy that you are. After that, WHY would anyone even need to turn you into a woman? To mock Yuuri's progress? To cause a relapse of homophobia? To basically reinstate gender stereotypes?

As for arguments like "Wolfram will change himself for Yuuri", they too have flaws. Deep rooted flaws in fact. (And I'm pretty sure you can tell me what they are yourself.)

YES, you will lay down your life for the king, NO you will not lay down your core identity. You've canonically said that you'll wait for a thousand years (given your life span) till he marries you and learns to accept you for who you are. No, you're not in a hurry to become a girl for him, for that would not only drastically change who you are, but it will brush the problem of Yuuri's homophobia under the carpet without dealing with it.

And before anyone very predictably brings up the brainless accusation that I'm implying it's wrong to be a woman (despite the fact that I'm a fangirl feminist), I'll ask them to use their God-gifted brains and reread what I've written about your characterisation and Yuuri's homophobia, and the rant in general up to this point.

Look at this way.
If my boyfriend happens to be a die-hard fan of Ingrid Bergman and Greta Garbo, and tries to somehow compel me to be like them in terms of clothing, hair, make up, gait, speech, etc , just so he can live out his fantasy of dating either of these actresses, I'll revolt. Does that mean I dislike these actresses? I think they're beautiful and accomplished. No, I don't want to be someone I'm not, because I clearly want him to date the real me.
If my boyfriend prefers American girls to British Indian girls and tries to make me change my accent and skin tone so he can live out his fantasy of dating one, I'll be fucking offended. Does that mean I think it's wrong to be American?

It's exactly the same for you. Probably ten times more. Especially since you take a lot more pride in yourself.

Also, the question of changing means making compromises. Yes, people do that for love, and you yourself have already done so by overcoming your pureblood prejudices. Changing yourself for Yuuri means overcoming serious flaws which can be corrected, it does NOT mean a reversal of sexual identity.

You're fantastic the way the you already are. You yourself have recognised your flaws like being impulsive and stubborn, but they're very endearing and I wouldn't change those because, once again, that would change who you are.

And if Yuuri refuses to overcome his homophobic hangups, refuses to accept you for the adorable, beautiful, handsome boy that you are, and instead prefers to stuff you in a dress or lingerie and call you 'wife', he does NOT deserve you. And you know what? I have faith in Yuuri, and I know he will learn to love you for the kakkoi dude that you are.

Did you hear that deafening boom which was basically the "maleXmale" principle of yaoi, exploding?! I hear it every time I stumble across fanfics which try to force the Yuuram couple into a heterosexual mould.

The last but not the least, the Great Seme Uke Debate.

Most fanfics make you an uke. Do I have a problem? NO. In fact, I personally think you'd be a gorgeous, passionate, fiery uke, the kind who probably calls the shots in bed. And Yuuri could be an adorably clumsy and awkward seme. And I see you as reversible couple.

The reasons/justification/motives for making you an uke are "Wolfy's very feminine & basically a chick with a dick, so of course he's the uke."
Do I have a problem? YES! I won't even bother with the part of that statement that comes before the comma, because I'm frankly sick of the stereotypical parameters used to determine the validity of it.

But the statement as a whole simply screams "LET'S GO ENDORSE THE MOST REGESSIVE AND INANE CLICHE THAT EXISTS IN YAOI!"
And what's that cliche?
Seme = Man
Uke = Woman

*takes a deep breath*

I remember a hilarious and adorable scene in the novels where you're throwing up because of seasickness.
Yuuri: You even throw up in a manly fashion!
You: *still vomiting* I'm always manly.

Your own creator, novelist Tomo Takabayashi gave an interview in which she said that your seiyuu inspired her to make you even manlier than you already are. That's just her opinion. Yes, judging from the above novel extract, I know that this snippet of information makes you very proud and happy. (Though it probably saddens you to be reminded that you're actually fictional.)

However, I do wonder whether all those fanfic writers would ever read her interview, and whether they'd collectively flame her because they're convinced that they know more about a character she created, than she does herself. And that they have a completely different opinion of you than you do of yourself.

To end on a positive note, I'll give credit to those fanficcers who truly respect the canon universe and characterisation, respect rational logic, respect the world we live in, and combine it beautifully with their own blooming imagination and creativity.

Oh, and Wolfram? I hope you're still reading and you haven't gone off a rampage to flame, both literally and metaphorically. Here on earth, nobody gets arrested for bad fanfiction. But assuming you can temporarily use your powers on earth, you will be imprisoned for burning fangirls alive. Take care, and hope that Yuuri finally falls in love with you for the "bishounen+otokomae" package of awesomeness that you already are.

Take care,
Amethystaura
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